Tom T

Maine made me laugh

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39 posts in this topic

19 mins ago, Tom T said:

From the Bangor PD:


We inevitably need to give a few warnings about various issues that pop up during the weekend and other days surrounding Independence Day celebrations.

By the way, that's what it is; Independence Day. It does take place on the Fourth of July.


1. While I cannot stop you from wearing clothing made from cloth that appears to represent Old Glory, I can tell you that horizontal stripes with stars placed in the wrong spot can be a downright bad fashion choice. Review all patriotic clothing in a full-length mirror before stepping out into public. Nuff said.


2. Sparklers are hot, even more so when they are lit. I don't know how many children under ten years old I have observed running full tilt with sticks bearing two thousand degree Fahrenheit balls of fire on the end, but something powerful-bad is going to happen. Yes, I learned the term "powerful bad" from Festus on Gunsmoke. Don't judge me. Anyway, make your kids stand still when utilizing lava to make figure eights in the sky. It cuts back on fiery impalement calls for our dispatchers. 


There should be some pretty good public service videos online from Firefighters, E.R. Docs and Nurses, and people who have lost their hands or fingers. They explain—nicely—the issue of playing with explosives and fire. Watch some of those if you don't want me to go on and on about this.

At least keep a charged hose handy; a few pails of water are good too. Bandages, ointments, and salves will not reattach body parts. Use good common sense. There is a reason why you had parents; step up and help those little firebugs make good choices.


3. A few tips about calling public safety dispatchers around the country each time you hear a loud noise. Try to avoid it, especially on the Fourth. 

We want you to call if bad things happen (refer to the paragraphs above), but every firecracker that goes off does not necessitate a call to our people in the dark room with even darker circles under their eyes. They know it's the Fourth, and they hear the same explosions you do.


Yup, there is a meme going around clearly identifying the reasons to call, it's funny, and it's also true. Try not to be Mrs. Kravitz, but be aware that explosions followed by loud screams are an excellent reason to call. Victims who didn't read paragraph number two will need your support. Just don't get carried away; it's noisy on Independence Day. 


4. If you are tasked with taking a potato salad to another family's picnic, please make it yourself. Everyone seems to be bringing quart-sized decanters of bad potato salad in this day and age. Come on, people. HOME STYLE does not equate to HOMEMADE. Add some dill, and sport up the mess with some red onion. We know you can stop at a store, step up your game and boil red potatoes, but not too long. Use real mayo (this is where things get a bit controversial). In any event, the only people who should be bringing store-bought potato salad to picnics are single guys and gals who worked late in the dispatch center taking phone calls from people who are wearing flag clothing and letting their kids run around with sparklers.


Call the Bangor Police Dispatch Center if you have an issue that cannot be mitigated by sitting still and counting to twenty-five. Loud noises, like pounding on your front door with voices screaming, "this is a robbery," is an excellent reason to call. Even if they don't mention robbery, you can contact us if you have concerns. We are just trying to cut back on unnecessary calls about lousy potato salad and loud noises coming from the spot where they are shooting off legal fireworks. We think you get the idea.


Have a safe and happy Independence Day weekend.


Keep your hands to yourself (and attached to your arms), leave other people's things alone, and, most of all, be kind to one another.

BPD will be here. 


Social Media Manager
Fireworks Safety Officer
Part-time Life Coach

Gotta be a "Come Here" as we call them.  No way that's a native Mainer talking about real Mayonnaise and tater salad.

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2 mins ago, JaseB said:

Gotta be a "Come Here" as we call them.  

Your silly colloquialisms, you would think they make you more endearing.

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… thought this thread was about how everyone wears LLBean …


plaid shirt

khaki pants

boat shoes


and drive Subarus 

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1 hour ago, EBHarvey said:


I know, but its Jase, and he's a little.....


1 hour ago, Tom T said:

Understood :howdy: 

What are you guys talkng about?

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