finbar

seals
Deal With The Seals-More Wishful Fiction

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First off, let me say that although being a long-time member, you can see I hardly ever post. I do enjoy reading most of the other member's posts. I did post one other short story about the Plover situation a few years ago. As titled, the following is "wishful fiction" and the author wishes to remain anonymous. It is meant to be entertaining!

 

It all started in the early 90's when the brothers T-Bone and Finbar were still pounding Nauset Beach and Pleasant Bay. They had discovered a good early May run of schoolies in the Bay. At the right stage of the tide, they could easily catch and release as many small bass as wanted and the occasional keeper. Later in May and on into June, the bigger fish would show up and it was game on!

One night they had waded out to one of the many bars in the bay and were into the fish right away. Standing in waist-deep water with a dropping tide, something huge swam between them! "Did you see that?" Finbar asked. Before T-Bone could answer, a huge creature surfaced mere feet in front of a startled Finbar and made a horrible noise! Well you can only run so fast in waist-deep water, but Finbar did his best - until he heard T-Bone laughing. "It's only a seal, probably choking on a small bass". That was their first encounter with what would soon become the scourge of the entire outer Cape. Within the next two years, they couldn't buy a fish from their favorite hot spots in the bay. The Chatham seal population exploded and the bass didn't stand a chance trying to enter the inlets where the seals practically outnumbered them.  The brothers started concentrating more and more on Truro and P'Town. Fishing was still good but the over-protected sea rats were getting worse every year. Finally, they decided something had to be done. Everyone was aware of the problem, but what was the solution? How to drive the seals away without going to prison. Some bullet-riddled seal carcasses had recently been found down Cape and the word was that the FBI was on their way! The solution had to be undetectable.

T-Bone(the former Marine) wanted to hook them with heavy gear, drag their "sorry asses" up on the beach and beat them to death. This was, obviously, highly impractical. Finbar (the thinker) researched the seal and discovered a few interesting facts. There was a virus that could wipe out whole populations of certain types of seals. This would be ideal except that obtaining the material and dispersing it would involve too many future witnesses. Nope, it had to to be something that the brothers could do alone. this was the way they always did things and why they were still free and able to chase stripers on the beach.

The second promising solution involved audio technology. Finbar had read that seals were anatomically similar to dogs. They obviously had canine teeth, but was their sense of hearing also similar? If so, Finbar was sure there was a fairly simple solution. There are several companies that sell dog-barking control devices. These devices send out audio signals that the human ear cannot hear but hurts a dog's ear to stop the barking. When finely tuned, they will actually make a dog run away. I always thought it was a good way to deal with bad neighbors and their barking dogs.

And so, the game was on! The brothers shopped the net (incognito) and within a few weeks they had an assortment of electronics, audio equipment and lithium batteries. They were always careful to wear latex gloves when touching any of these parts. With the help of an audio tech/engineer, who was told they were working on a predator control device, they soon had several prototypes. They were able to field-test the "Sealerator" over the long winter months. They walked into a popular seal haul-out area to test their new toys. When they got to about 100 yards from the stinking mass of seals, Finbar flipped the toggle to 'on' and prepared to adjust the rheostat. There was no visible movement until the dial was almost on 'max' power. Then the whole herd seemed agitated and headed for the water. Overjoyed, the brothers approached the water's edge and flipped the toggle back on. Sure enough, the herd took off down the beach and stopped about 100 yards away. After running several more tests and fine-tuning their equipment, the boys were ready for the Spring run. They had perfected and waterproofed the devices so that they could bury them in strategic areas and set built-in timers to send out sound waves only at the seal's usual haul-out times. Thanks to the Park Service's warning that the precious critters needed their resting times, Finbar figured that with constant interruptions, the herd would either move on, or get sick and die. Either option was fine. After burying the devices at the strategic spots in April (under the cover of darkness), they only had to replace the batteries once monthly. 

Finally, it was mid-May and the brothers were happily fishing their way to the outer Cape beaches. They had started fishing the estuaries 2 weeks earlier and had a ball catching and releasing fish to 24" on light tackle and small plugs. T-Bone had even scored a couple 30" fish early on!

Finally, they walked over the dune to the major seal haul-out area and were awe-struck by what was happening! There were a dozen Government vehicles, some with DC plates and 20 or 25 workers working on a large pile of seal carcasses! The whole area was roped off with 'crime scene tape'. when the brothers approached the area, they were  quickly confronted by one of the officials, wearing his shiny badge and hand on his holster. "What are you guys doing here?", he demanded. "Well, sir, we were planning to do a little surf fishing - hence the fishing rods, plug bags and waders", replied Finbar. T-Bone piped up "What the heck happened here - did somebody get murdered?"  Barney Fife replied "Oh, no-it's much worse than that! Last night, a dog-walker and bird watcher called 911with a report of some crazy seal behavior. By the time we responded, there were 22 dead seals in the wash! We are preparing to do necropsies on them now." "Wow, what kind of crazy behavior did the witnesses report?" asked T-Bone, while Finbar struggled to hold back his laughter. Barney replied "They said the poor creatures would climb up on the beach and just as they settled in, something would scare the Bejesus out of them and they would rush back into the water. This happened over and over until some of them actually drowned and the rest of them left the area! The witness, a Mrs. Vanderbooger, also stated her dog 'Poopsie', was acting as crazy as the seals!"

T-Bone and Finbar said good bye to the officer, thanked him for his service and wished him luck in solving this horrible catastrophe. Once they were back to their trucks, they laughed until they cried and their sides ached. They went on to have another 5 weeks of great striper fishing - never bothered once by the filthy sea rats. 

When the story was finally released to the news media, "The massive seal kill at Seal Hollow has been determined to have been by natural causes. The top scientists have concluded that the seals were simply worn out and could not forage, thereby malnourished and extremely fatigued. Congress is rethinking the Marine Mammal Protection Act as it may have actually caused this over-population problem leading to these unfortunate deaths. Congress is also sending their Thoughts and Prayers."

 

Some of the preceding story is fictional entertainment and the author strongly advises against any illegal activities.  The penalties for any illegal actions against protected or endangered wildlife are much more severe than harming humans....   

 

 

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3 hours ago, finbar said:

First off, let me say that although being a long-time member, you can see I hardly ever post. I do enjoy reading most of the other member's posts. I did post one other short story about the Plover situation a few years ago. As titled, the following is "wishful fiction" and the author wishes to remain anonymous. It is meant to be entertaining!

 

It all started in the early 90's when the brothers T-Bone and Finbar were still pounding Nauset Beach and Pleasant Bay. They had discovered a good early May run of schoolies in the Bay. At the right stage of the tide, they could easily catch and release as many small bass as wanted and the occasional keeper. Later in May and on into June, the bigger fish would show up and it was game on!

One night they had waded out to one of the many bars in the bay and were into the fish right away. Standing in waist-deep water with a dropping tide, something huge swam between them! "Did you see that?" Finbar asked. Before T-Bone could answer, a huge creature surfaced mere feet in front of a startled Finbar and made a horrible noise! Well you can only run so fast in waist-deep water, but Finbar did his best - until he heard T-Bone laughing. "It's only a seal, probably choking on a small bass". That was their first encounter with what would soon become the scourge of the entire outer Cape. Within the next two years, they couldn't buy a fish from their favorite hot spots in the bay. The Chatham seal population exploded and the bass didn't stand a chance trying to enter the inlets where the seals practically outnumbered them.  The brothers started concentrating more and more on Truro and P'Town. Fishing was still good but the over-protected sea rats were getting worse every year. Finally, they decided something had to be done. Everyone was aware of the problem, but what was the solution? How to drive the seals away without going to prison. Some bullet-riddled seal carcasses had recently been found down Cape and the word was that the FBI was on their way! The solution had to be undetectable.

T-Bone(the former Marine) wanted to hook them with heavy gear, drag their "sorry asses" up on the beach and beat them to death. This was, obviously, highly impractical. Finbar (the thinker) researched the seal and discovered a few interesting facts. There was a virus that could wipe out whole populations of certain types of seals. This would be ideal except that obtaining the material and dispersing it would involve too many future witnesses. Nope, it had to to be something that the brothers could do alone. this was the way they always did things and why they were still free and able to chase stripers on the beach.

The second promising solution involved audio technology. Finbar had read that seals were anatomically similar to dogs. They obviously had canine teeth, but was their sense of hearing also similar? If so, Finbar was sure there was a fairly simple solution. There are several companies that sell dog-barking control devices. These devices send out audio signals that the human ear cannot hear but hurts a dog's ear to stop the barking. When finely tuned, they will actually make a dog run away. I always thought it was a good way to deal with bad neighbors and their barking dogs.

And so, the game was on! The brothers shopped the net (incognito) and within a few weeks they had an assortment of electronics, audio equipment and lithium batteries. They were always careful to wear latex gloves when touching any of these parts. With the help of an audio tech/engineer, who was told they were working on a predator control device, they soon had several prototypes. They were able to field-test the "Sealerator" over the long winter months. They walked into a popular seal haul-out area to test their new toys. When they got to about 100 yards from the stinking mass of seals, Finbar flipped the toggle to 'on' and prepared to adjust the rheostat. There was no visible movement until the dial was almost on 'max' power. Then the whole herd seemed agitated and headed for the water. Overjoyed, the brothers approached the water's edge and flipped the toggle back on. Sure enough, the herd took off down the beach and stopped about 100 yards away. After running several more tests and fine-tuning their equipment, the boys were ready for the Spring run. They had perfected and waterproofed the devices so that they could bury them in strategic areas and set built-in timers to send out sound waves only at the seal's usual haul-out times. Thanks to the Park Service's warning that the precious critters needed their resting times, Finbar figured that with constant interruptions, the herd would either move on, or get sick and die. Either option was fine. After burying the devices at the strategic spots in April (under the cover of darkness), they only had to replace the batteries once monthly. 

Finally, it was mid-May and the brothers were happily fishing their way to the outer Cape beaches. They had started fishing the estuaries 2 weeks earlier and had a ball catching and releasing fish to 24" on light tackle and small plugs. T-Bone had even scored a couple 30" fish early on!

Finally, they walked over the dune to the major seal haul-out area and were awe-struck by what was happening! There were a dozen Government vehicles, some with DC plates and 20 or 25 workers working on a large pile of seal carcasses! The whole area was roped off with 'crime scene tape'. when the brothers approached the area, they were  quickly confronted by one of the officials, wearing his shiny badge and hand on his holster. "What are you guys doing here?", he demanded. "Well, sir, we were planning to do a little surf fishing - hence the fishing rods, plug bags and waders", replied Finbar. T-Bone piped up "What the heck happened here - did somebody get murdered?"  Barney Fife replied "Oh, no-it's much worse than that! Last night, a dog-walker and bird watcher called 911with a report of some crazy seal behavior. By the time we responded, there were 22 dead seals in the wash! We are preparing to do necropsies on them now." "Wow, what kind of crazy behavior did the witnesses report?" asked T-Bone, while Finbar struggled to hold back his laughter. Barney replied "They said the poor creatures would climb up on the beach and just as they settled in, something would scare the Bejesus out of them and they would rush back into the water. This happened over and over until some of them actually drowned and the rest of them left the area! The witness, a Mrs. Vanderbooger, also stated her dog 'Poopsie', was acting as crazy as the seals!"

T-Bone and Finbar said good bye to the officer, thanked him for his service and wished him luck in solving this horrible catastrophe. Once they were back to their trucks, they laughed until they cried and their sides ached. They went on to have another 5 weeks of great striper fishing - never bothered once by the filthy sea rats. 

When the story was finally released to the news media, "The massive seal kill at Seal Hollow has been determined to have been by natural causes. The top scientists have concluded that the seals were simply worn out and could not forage, thereby malnourished and extremely fatigued. Congress is rethinking the Marine Mammal Protection Act as it may have actually caused this over-population problem leading to these unfortunate deaths. Congress is also sending their Thoughts and Prayers."

 

Some of the preceding story is fictional entertainment and the author strongly advises against any illegal activities.  The penalties for any illegal actions against protected or endangered wildlife are much more severe than harming humans....   

 

 

Good read on a quiet night 

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On 5/29/2022 at 6:08 AM, oldgoat said:

It's to bad the Gov. DOSEN'T FEEL AS BAD FOR THE KIDS IN TEXAS!

No one feels bad about anything, at least not for more than a couple minutes. ****** species really

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On 5/29/2022 at 6:08 AM, oldgoat said:

It's to bad the Gov. DOSEN'T FEEL AS BAD FOR THE KIDS IN TEXAS!

" Too" and " Doesn't " . Also should be in the PG.

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On 5/29/2022 at 6:08 AM, oldgoat said:

It's to bad the Gov. DOSEN'T FEEL AS BAD FOR THE KIDS IN TEXAS!

Geez, I was hoping the story was just tongue-in cheek entertainment, not political...:oof:

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