SJ from the Bay

Is The Wife Accepting of Your Fishing??

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- Does your wife/gf accept your fishing?

 

- Has your fishing caused a breakup or divorce?

 

- What are some compromises you make? 
 

 

It’s not an issue for my relationship of 8 years. No kids. I don’t know of a secret formula, I help with cleaning, laundry, dishes, tolerate visits to the mother in-laws house. 
 

Curious to how it plays out for everyone else? 

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My wife is cool about fishing cause she has a life outside of our marriage (30 years +). Here's the trick guys, help her find her own hobbie and support it whole-heartedly.

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1 min ago, SJ from the Bay said:

- Does your wife/gf accept your fishing?

 

- Has your fishing caused a breakup or divorce?

 

- What are some compromises you make? 
 

 

It’s not an issue for my relationship of 8 years. No kids. I don’t know of a secret formula, I help with cleaning, laundry, dishes, tolerate visits to the mother in-laws house. 
 

Curious to how it plays out for everyone else? 

My wife would rather have me out fishing than banging other women or wasting money at a tavern.  If you died today, she could sell your boat and gear, but she can't get the money from booze back. 

Every so often she goes fishing with me, I don't think she loves it, especially when fishing is slow, but she does it and takes pictures and makes the best of it. 

You can't have a marriage based on points or tit for tat, and all compromises should have been worked out before you were married. Unless you developed new bad habits, or your hobbies have grown out of scope to what you had before you entered the relationship.  My wife knew I fished, how often, and how much I spent on fishing before we were married, there were no surprises. I don't think she entered marriage planning on changing that. It doesn't work. 

If your spouse thought it was a problem, didn't speak up, and said, Oh well, I will work in this after we are married, he he he, I would say you were conned into marrying her.  There are plenty of women out there, you have no kids, and you are only eight years into it. 

I don't think of helping around the house as a point or bartering system. My wife and I work our a@@es off each week, and both of us have two jobs. Things have to get done around the house, we do them. If I can't mow the yard, one of the kids or my wife does it. We all do our own laundry or each others depending on how much time we have.  We don't let stuff pile up and point fingers about it not being done.

People at the homeless shelter, who have been in jail, have told me that when my wife prepares food at the shelter it is worse than the food in jail.  I have never been to jail, but I agree its not good. So I do the cooking most of the time, politely, without ever saying anything. My kids have asked me when they were little to please cook so mommy does not have to. 

We all have our strengths in a relationship, and we need to step in, but also step back where we are not so good. 

If you were skipping work to fish, spending more money on fishing than you should and it impacts paying bills, or if you met another woman fishing (or some weird Broke Back Mountain stuff is going on), or if you are not spending any time with her, or if its all about you and she has no time to do her thing, then you are the problem. If its not the case, then you have to sit her down, tell her how its going to be, and if the answer is she doesn't like you out fishing, just remember, you don't have kids, she still might get half, but you can't let someone suck all of the joy out of your life either.

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I went wading 90x, fw kayaking 32x, and salt water kayaking 25x last year. About 80% of the time I went after my family was in bed, or on their way, or it was at least night and family stuff was done. My wife and I have conflict over my fishing 3-5x/yr. 50% of those times I go anyways, the other 50% I concede that another activity is more important. The conflicts usually happen in late December, January, or February when I find that daylight fishing is better (for me) because it's warmer and I know a few places where striped bass might be feeding in warmer shallower water. I'd say I'm lucky to have a great wife, and also that I bust my ass to get the lawn mowed (etc), ASAP so that I can fish when the tide's right. Luckily, the fishing I do from March to December is better at night. If my wife asks on Thursday if we can have date night Friday, I just say yes. She recognizes I'll drop what I'm doing for us almost every time if it's important to her. Another concession is that I tolerate 'honey-do' lists, but these actually help me when I wake up disoriented with 2hrs of sleep if I found some fish the night before

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My wife is fine with fishing, she even bought me my first Van Staal for my birthday. I think fishing is a hobby that most woman support. We are in the outdoors,working out somewhat and not spending $300 a night at a bar or club.

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I was on vacation in a fishing tournament with the X, and then

So I walked over to the night stand, got and handed her, her airline ticket. 

 

Then offered to get her a ride to the airport

 

Problems  solved ... :shrug:

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36 mins ago, SJ from the Bay said:

- Does your wife/gf accept your fishing?

 

- Has your fishing caused a breakup or divorce?

 

- What are some compromises you make? 
 

 

It’s not an issue for my relationship of 8 years. No kids. I don’t know of a secret formula, I help with cleaning, laundry, dishes, tolerate visits to the mother in-laws house. 
 

Curious to how it plays out for everyone else? 

your a lucky man Sean...:wave:

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I would imagine degree has a lot to do with it.  If you're never home or spend so much money you have to sacrifice basics, she might have a good beef.  In my case I fish every day in season, but in early morning so I'm home much of the day.  If I have to travel to get bait or supplies, I might take her and go out to lunch first.  I also encourage her to have her own life.

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She fully supports it, though has never wet a line herself and has no desire to join me. She understands this is my chosen passtime and that I need it for both pleasure and clearing of the mind. She "gets" the concept that there is therapy in my time on the water. 

 

That said, she does think I am obsessed, particularly as I examine every body of water I pass assessing how I would fish it. 

 

And then there is vacation planning.....

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I got rid of my wife so I could go fishing when I wanted and hired a domestic to take care of my children when they were younger... Remember, a new broom sweeps clean..  Got rid of the old bag for someone who liked fishing.. 

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Posted (edited) · Report post

We've been together for almost 10 years and Fridays are my Fishing days since I only work 4 days a week. She let's me go whenever I want but I always make sure she doesn't have anything planned for us on a Friday. Occasionally she will ask me "Are you fishing with your friends Friday?"  "Yes I am babe!"

 

She likes me fishing with my friends instead of "going out with my friends" which always leads to some kind of trouble. 

Edited by VitaminDee

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3 mins ago, flyangler said:

She fully supports it, though has never wet a line herself and has no desire to join me. She understands this is my chosen passtime and that I need it for both pleasure and clearing of the mind. She "gets" the concept that there is therapy in my time on the water. 

 

That said, she does think I am obsessed, particularly as I examine every body of water I pass assessing how I would fish it. 

 

And then there is vacation planning.....

Every time we drive over a bridge, I ask her " Do you see anything jumping?"

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Just now, VitaminDee said:

Every time we drive over a bridge, I ask her " Do you see anything jumping?"

Ha! I don't ask, just look, and lord help me if I veer right or left....

 

For my 40th, unbeknownst to me she sent me to Patagonia for a solo fly fishing trip. Did all the research and planning without me having a clue. After fishing she met me in Buenos Aries for a few days of together time with a second stop in Brazil as well. 

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