fishingnuke

Best Crapping story

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While attending a fourth of july demo derby /fireworks celebration, with my bro in law,who is the local radio dj/sportscaster;we found ourselves bombarded w freebie "delicacies" from the local vendors at the fairgrounds.These epicurean delights ranged from fried dough to corn dogs.Late in the afternoon I thought i felt "distant thunder"...shortly thereafter my suspicions were confirmed when the "FIRE IN THE HOLE" alarm went off!! As I bolted out of the broadcasters booth and A A A L L L L L the way down the grandstand stairs I prayed; "Lord dont let it happen here before thousands of kids and parents"!! Now,the "latrine" building is in sight and I break out in a serious "sweat".As my belt came undone, I gave the nearest stall door my best Cam Neely check and dropped my drawers.Thought I noticed the tank top ajar,as I lowered the bomb bay doors over the hopper...But the mission must continue!Covered in perspiration and feeling feverish I pull the trigger.Instinctively I reach around and flush...

With my Friggin pants wrapped around my ankles I feel the COLDEST water I've ever felt blasting me from every direction!!I bounced off the three walls in the stall unable to run and so shocked I couldn't find the latch!!It seemed like an eternity before I could gather myself and escape.

If I ever find out who the little SOB was Im gonna

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shake his hand...best and most succesful prank I've ever witnessed!But did it have to be me? redface.gif

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Bowhunting eastern Long Island, 20 feet up an oak in a self-climber. Get that feeling that everyone's talking about. I didn't think I was gonna get down in time, made it to the ground. Now I have to peel everything off, one piece cammy's and all the layers. How come the closer you get to doing it, the feeling gets stronger? I disrobe as much as I needed to, and let it rip.

I had no paper so I had to use my t-shirt. It was so cold, my nipples could have cut glass. Leaning against the same tree I was in and look to my left and there's a 6 pointer staring at me not 20 yards away. Can deer actually laugh?

 

Chris

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My brother married a girl from a stuffy family from Bethesda, MD. We all went down for the wedding weekend, and the bride's parents had an 'open house' party for the families at their house in Bethesda ($$$$$$$$$$!!).

 

So we're mingling and chatting, eating hors d'ouevres and drinking wine, and I get the call of nature. There's a little tiny bathroom right off the kitchen, so I sneak in and get busy. It's one of those bathrooms that's so small that when your sittin' on the can, you're facing the door, and your knees are almost hitting it.

 

I guess I was a little buzzed, because I forgot to lock the door. Sure enough, I'm "laying some cable" and one of the bride's big fat aunts opens the door without knocking, and there I am, staring back out at half the guests.

 

She shuts the door, and no one says anything. Just like it never happened. redface.gif

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The dorm I was in at college was co-ed.

I used the co-ed bathroom all the time. It was the cleanest of all of them and the water pressure was fabulous.

So, I'm in there one morning dropping some Bud Mud. From the stall next to me I hear this God awful sound. Like I have never made before. Trust me when I tell you I got a Doctorate in this kind of stuff.

I just chuckled and asked the person next to me if they were ok? I was in shock when I heard the dainty voice of the Cheerleader whom lived in the room next to mine. She said, "God, I hate Bud Mud"!

I laughed so hard I cried. She was "one of the boys" from there on out.

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I think I got all you guys beat icon14.gif

 

Ya see I was taking the SAT'S back at my high school, probably was like 92' or so and I step into the classroom, all psyched to take the test and ready to go icon14.gif

 

The previous night I had KFC w/ my friends, and it has almost always created some kind of gastroinestinal disturbance w/in my body - to this day... Sometimes I puke, sometimes I get the runs.. Sometimes I get nothing...

 

***This gets very "descriptive" upck.gif

 

That morning at 8AM I sit in my regular seat, its a Saturday morning.. Before the test starts, the proctor explains to us all the rules, the timing of the test (4 hrs. eek.gif ), etc. One of the rules was YOU CANNOT LEAVE THE CLASSROOM and so, I'm like, "OK!"

 

Anyway start taking the test, all is going well until about 11AM, about an hour before it was over.. I didn't eat breakfast, but I start feeling something brewing deep down inside, and it kept brewing and brewing, and it got worse and worse... I broke out in a nice sweat, started flatulating uncontrollably, and just had some insane cramps cwm31.gif As ya guessed it, w/ one of those farts, out came a nice wild "wet one" that soiled everything in my pants, my chair, and stunk up the classroom... By this time everyone was laughing, yet the dumbarse teacher had no idea what was going on... So me, the moron I stay there in my seat, hoping this would go away or stop, but I still had 45 minutes to wait... So, I got up, asked the teacher at about 11:20 to go to the BR, and she said, "well yeah, if its an emergency" so I bolted out.... It only gets worse....

 

2 bathrooms on the floor of the test are closed, so I have to go across the school, to the first floor, when I finally find an open restroom - find a stall, and just let loose... I got my pants off but couldn't control the urge so I "sprayed..." ....All over the toilet, the seat, and part of the stall as I didn't make it.... upck.gif It was so bad, I threw my boxers in the garbage in the restroom... Luckily, nobody was in there cool.gif

 

So, I'm done w/ my crisis, head back to the classroom, and the test is over, and I walk back to raucous laughter and rounds of applause --- I never lived this down in my HS career, and people that I still talk to still laugh about it (with me of course) biggrin.gif

 

... I told my principal what happened, he laughed his arse off, and told me if I ever did that again I'd have to clean the whole HS, amidst some laughing outbursts....

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Ok ok I will add one.

 

How Mud Channel got its name ...maybe

 

While on my 20' CC (with no head) fishing the sedges my buddy starts complaining about his belly cramping.) So not to have like 10 boats looking at him craping over the side of my boat i take him to the Mud Channel its was close by with no fisherman. He relieves himself over the side and being the fisherman i am i continue to fish. Before he has his paints up I get the days 1st striper smile.gif He still insist he should get the assist on the fish due to his chumming

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The best one didnt happen in a woods or on a beach it happend to my friend Mike in New york city Traffic. Mike's in a suit stuck in traffic when the sweats hit him, the traffic aint moving and he is dying. He looks to his right and see's a parking garage, he quick jumps out of the car leaving it in traffic and runs in to the garage, naturaly there is no one around and the bathroom is locked. So what does he do, he enters the attendent booth and craps in the waste papaer basket.Then to make matters worse he opens the guys lunch bag and uses his napkins to wipe his butt, leaving everything in the waste can. He did leave a $20.00 bill on the counter.

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The best one didnt happen in a woods or on a beach it happend to my friend Mike in New york city Traffic. Mike's in a suit stuck in traffic when the sweats hit him, the traffic aint moving and he is dying. He looks to his right and see's a parking garage, he quick jumps out of the car leaving it in traffic and runs in to the garage, naturaly there is no one around and the bathroom is locked. So what does he do, he enters the attendent booth and craps in the waste papaer basket.Then to make matters worse he opens the guys lunch bag and uses his napkins to wipe his butt, leaving everything in the waste can. He did leave a $20.00 bill on the counter.

 

cwm27.gifcwm27.gifcwm27.gifcwm27.gif

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few years ago myself and 3 of my friends go to a nets game, were on the turnpike in the pooring rain in stopped traffic. we got to take a leak, so we jump out climb over the guard rail. my buddy says I gotta take a dump, so he pulls down his WHITE sweats and lets loose. next thing ya know he`s on his ass sliding down the hill. to this day when we see him, we call him the "creature from the black lagoon"

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I'm proud to say when I was a member of Stevens surfsters I may have crapped on every jetty from Oceans 20 to the Deal boarder! This was mainly due to our pre toury meals at Tony's and his all you can eat buffet with Pasta fizul! I have an intestinal problem, every thing I eat turns to poop.

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