Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Bass Ackwards

3 JOKEs..... don't read them till monday

Rate this topic

15 posts in this topic

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.” The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viagra?” The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed. ”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.” The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly. Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head. ”How did it go?” the doctor asked. ”Terrible, doctor, terrible.” ”Did it not work?” ”Yes,” the old lady said, ”It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.” ”Then what is the problem, ma’am?” ”Well,” she said. ”I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.

 

 

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest. "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest. "It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man. "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest. "Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?".

 

 

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, CATCHnRELEASE said:

Pretty good ackwards....like the first a lot.

I'm amazed you understand it.

 

29 mins ago, patchyfog said:

So's BA.

I resemble that remark. :mad:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/13/2019 at 3:42 PM, CATCHnRELEASE said:

OK ackwards, you are on my chit list agam.

Better you than me...that stalker's list is a scary place

On 7/13/2019 at 7:40 PM, Bass Ackwards said:

My lucky day.

maybe not

On 7/12/2019 at 7:18 PM, Bass Ackwards said:

I'm amazed you understand it.

 

amazed & astounded

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, BordnBeachBill said:

Congratulations, more than one good one in a row, your almost officially a Funny Old Fart..

HEY....I resemble that remark.:p

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, CATCHnRELEASE said:

The stalker is back! And, that ain’t no joke.

I think it is....good one! Quite possibly the best you've ever made.

Bass Ackwards could possibly be a friend o'mine so the BackStalker must have his back if you are goin' to attack him and put him on your personal S List. 

Besides, you are supposed to be ignoring me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to register here in order to participate.

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.