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Bass Ackwards

JOKEs

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5 posts in this topic

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

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What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.
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Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
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What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
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Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
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Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
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What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
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What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those "MEN" already have boyfriends.
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
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Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
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What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?"
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What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
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Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
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Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
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What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
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Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment
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What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
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What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this #*&!..."
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Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
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very good, but can you explain this one :huh:

 

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What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment

 

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