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Walkin' Jack

Manly shoppin'....Mancard in no danger.

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I have been married to two different women. The first one for 6 years and the current one for 41 years, and counting, come August. I had to teach them both how to cook and how to drive a car.....but I didn't have to teach neither one of 'em how to SHOP.

 

A way back in the misty past when guys used to go shoppin' with their wives (I've always wondered how a thing like that ever got started) I was one of those poor shmucks sittin' outside the ladies fitting room holding a purse. I was always humiliated beyond measure but tolerated it as best I could because I was never the only guy there doin' that. Sometimes there would be 3 or more of us and we could not bear to make eye contact. Just stared at the floor and prayed for a quick end to the ordeal.

 

The only reason I can come up with as to just WHY we any of us did this is in the interest of "togetherness" to impress the wife. But to be quite honest it has all been so many years ago that I don't remember. But just now it's about the only thing I can think of that makes sense so I'll call it that and say no more on the subject.

 

There is a huge difference in the way men and women shop:

. Women go into a store mostly not knowing just what it is they want. Oh they may be thinking, dress, necklace, purse, shoes, etc but they don't have any specific idea of what features they are looking for. They need to handle every piece of jewlry, try on every pair of shoes and dress or slacks in the store. Also women are convinced that they change sizes every time they buy a new garment so they have to try on several different sizes every time. Then after they have done that they have to go back to some of the ones they looked at an hour earlier and refresh their memory, even try on a pair of shoes again that they had ALREADY tried on once. Then a lot of times they want to ague with the store clerk about the price or a size or selection. Sometimes, but not often enough, they will be unable to make a decision and not buy anything.

 

I came to the conclusion at some point that the real "juice" the "rush" didn't come from getting the new item (s). Perversely, it apparently comes from spending the money. I mean the actual process of signing the charge slip or handing over the cash. They get a look in their eye that gives it away. Once I realized this I turned my head at that point in the process....I just couldn't stand to see a look that scary on my wife's face.

 

At one point my current wife and I came to the realization that this was no longer a good deal for either one of us, if it ever had been. It was demeaning and emasculating to me and it was irritating and distracting to her to have to watch me endure it all. She finally suggested that I not go with her any more. I asked why and she asked me if I really enjoyed it. Maybe a little too quickly I said that I most certainly did not. She confessed that I was draggin' her down and we agreed to end the suffering for both of us. I tried to turn my head and leave the room before she could see the wicked grin on my mouth and the tears of joy running down my face. Not sure if I made it but we never spoke of it again.

 

. MEN realize they need a new hammer or pair of work gloves or what ever and go to the store. They know what they want before they leave the house. They go in and look around for the item in question for a minute if the store has what they want they buy it and leave if not then they just leave. I wore the same size clothes from the age of 20 tot the age of 35 and from then to the age of 50 and I'm still there at the age of 68. Men don't change sizes with every new shirt. Either way it's in and out in a matter of a few minutes. And I also believe that unlike women men hate the part where you pay the money. For men the juice is getting the new hammer or pair of work boots.

 

All this is just my opinion based upon 47 years of combined marriage. Some of it may just be my imagination but I just have a feeling that I'm not the only man that has had some of these experiences.

 

Anyway I was just thinkin' about all this because I hit what I'll call a man's shopping "tir-fecta" I've never been much of a shopper, except for grocery shopping. I do most of the cooking so I do a lot of the grocery shopping but I don't really consider grocery shopping part of the shopping aspect of the battle of the sexes. My current wife buys me most of my clothes; socks, underwear, jeans and shirts and does an excellent job of it without any input from me. I buy my own shoes and boots.

 

But I have had 3 things buggin' me lately and I just determined to go out yesterday and not come back until all 3 of them were in the bag. The first thing I've been needing for a while is a new gun belt. I have two others that are just not makin' it any more. They were okay when they were new but the years have taken their toll and a good quality gun belt is essential for the safe and comfortable carrying of a concealed handgun. I went into one of these discount houses that sells seconds and blemished items. Brand name but some how imperfect and not salable in first-line quality stores. Gun belts (quality ones) can be very expensive and my cash flow is a little low these days so I thought I'd take a chance and see what I could find. I went to the men's wear and found the belt display. I saw a sturdy looking one and pulled it out of the rack. My size. Good color. 1 1/2 wide and very thick and stiff. Good quality leather made by Levis. The original price tag said $39.95. I paid $9.00 for it. The blemish was an imperfection in the finish on the leather right behind the buckle. Can't even be seen when I put it on because the end of the belt comes out of the buckle and covers it up.

 

My second issue was my watch. A couple of months ago my Timex Expedition ( which I have had and loved for 10 years ) finally died and I bought a new one. The original one was the old fashioned kind that has the second, minute, and hour hands. But I bought this new one that is digital and you need several years of college and an extra pair of hands to figure out how and to manage all the ignorant settings. It drove me crazy and the longer I wore it the more I hated it. I hated to have to do it because there is nothing wrong with the watch but it just don't fit my pistol so to speak. I went back and bought another Expedition like the first one. I should have known better when I bought the digital but I just chalk it up to lesson learned. I bought the new watch and I ain't lookin' back. Now if I ever buy another digital watch then that'll be a problem.

 

The third and final "win" in this little tri-fecta of mine is, in a way, the best. We went on a cruise last year and I discovered Coconut Rum. Whoooo-Eeeeeee. It ain't really safe for me to have stuff I love as much as that layin' around the house. But I finally decided that I'm a grown man. I'm not an alcoholic and don't even keep anything in the house except for when company comes or special occasions. But my last stop on my way home was the neighborhood liquor store and I relieved them of a bottle of Malibu Coconut rum and a couple of cans of Pineapple juice. Had a nice drink before dinner and another nice one after.

 

So, I may have went the long way around the barn but I finally got around to my manly shoppin. I was back home before I'd been gone 45 minutes and only about 15 minutes of that was spent in stores. and about 10 minutes of that was waiting in check out lines. The rest was driving.

 

Ain't life grand.

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A way back in the misty past when guys used to go shoppin' with their wives (I've always wondered how a thing like that ever got started)

 

Men were much smarted back then. We didn't let women drive so we had to take them to the store. Then, we ****ed up, giving them driver's license and the ability to vote. :dismay:

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My wife shops mostly on Amazon. I can't drag her out to look at tile, flooring, etc. Makes it a pain some times.

Cabo

 

I despise shopping for home goods, redecorating stuff etc... with my wife.

 

She knows what she doesn't like (anything I do) but has no idea what she likes or wants... makes me crazy

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