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Shaky

colon cancer awareness month

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Who knew? Just heard it for the first time this morning on the radio, three quarters of the month gone and not a single brown wrist band. Lots of bad news the past few days. Very depressing. Just realized last week was my eight year anniversary, cancer free. Going to have a few drinks tonight :beers:

 

Thought i might cheer you all up, took me awhile to find this crap, so i hope you appreciate the effort.

 

Get your colonoscopies

 

Ish:

 

America's a great country, we have the freedom of choice over here. No one is forcing you to have the colonoscopy. After putting putting off the colonoscopy a few times the docs came up with an alternative plan. These are just the ones I'm familiar with.

 

The middle finger :

 

After it was determined I had polyps gone wild I had no less than a half a dozen different doctors and students giving me the finger. You almost get used to it but then they try shoving their knuckles up there too. The radiologist said he was trying to feel over the top of the growth, but I think if they had longer fingers they'd still try getting the knuckles up there.

 

Sigmoidoscopy(sp):

 

Six inches of fighting fury. No meds for this, just shove it up, pump you up with air and twist it around at all kinds of crazy angles.

 

Ultra sound:

 

You've seen this on TV I'm sure. They rub the woman's belly with some jelly and rub this cold metal thing over her stomach and voila, instant kid on the screen. WRONG. They take that angry six incher and shove it up there again, no meds. For about ten minutes you're extremely uncomfortable and then it's over. You breathe a sigh of relief and the doctor says, "that was the easy part". Another half hour of pumping up, and twirling that little baton around and then you're done. If it's any consolation the doctor and assistant were both women.

 

Radiation:

 

Before it's all said and done you will have numerous X rays and CAT scans and drink a wide variety of glow juices. This stuff can't be any good for you, but what the heck, it's got to be better than the colonoscopy. You are in luck. Those wild child polyps of yours can be exorcised. Twenty eight days of radiation should cover it. No biggie you lie under the accelerator and they shoot you full of rays, painless and quick.

 

This summer cut a hole in your bathing suit right over yer butt hole, get on your hands and knees and let the sun shine in for a few hours. That should give you an idea of what radiation is all about, but that only covers the external. If you have roids they will swell and if you don't you will have a better understanding of those that do. Figure on hitting the head about every hour and a half. Get used to peeing sitting down and if you have a wife and kids keep a bucket handy. If your job requires that you drive around or travel look out.

 

Chemo:

 

It's not enough that they irradiate you, it's also necessary to poison you. Fear not because along with the poison they give you the antidote. This is given along with the radiation, five days at the start of the radiation and five days at the end. The good thing is you are off on the weekends and holidays.

 

They sit you in a nice comfortable reclining chair. You get to pick your room that you share with other people who may or may not have chosen the alternative plan. Some are young, some are old, some are upbeat, some have permanent ports installed in their bodies. Many have hope and are upbeat and others, well, you only have to take one look in their hollow vacant eyes to know that they are just an experiment gone bad and the end is near. Fear not those polyps of yours that are wilding are the best ones to have. They are the easiest to get rid of.

 

Repeat steps one and two:

 

You are done with your treatment and now the doctors get to admire their handiwork.

 

Surgery:

 

You've got six to eight weeks to think about it while your polyps shrivel up and die. If those bad boys were on the down low you have three choices, straight resection, j pouch, or the dreaded bag. Suffice to say getting your belly split open is no picnic. You have to relearn a lot of things that should come naturally. Complications can happen. The dreaded incisional hernia is one. Sterility is another along with E.D. If you end up with the hernia you may require more surgery. If you end up with the E.D. viagra may help.

 

You've been a good patient. Your reward is two more five day rounds of chemo at one month and two months after surgery. Chemo ain't so bad, they give you anti nausea meds and you go home and smoke a little dope to take the edge off. Easier on you than drinking a large quantity of scotch along with a variety of prescription and non prescription drugs. I'm sure you can handle it.

 

You are one of the lucky ones. Your treatment was a success. You get to be an inspiration to your family and friends and live happily ever after. But wait, they forgot to mention scar tissue. This is an insidious little complication they probably neglected to tell you about. It grabs your intestines and keeps them in a twisted position. You can't pass waste and you're in enough pain for morphine injections and a few days with a tube shoved down your nose. There is a solution for this too. More surgery!!

 

Or you can do the smart thing. Have your wife hold your hand, ask the doctor for a lollipop, and get the damn colonoscopy. May be a little unpleasant if they don't knock you out. You may have a little angst if they cut out a polyp and you have to wait for the lab results, but it sure beats the alternatives.

 

I forgot one thing, if you and your doctor have a sense of humor You too can have a cute little avatar like mine.

 

Sorry for the length, but this is something I can relate to first hand. There's more but this covers the treatment end pretty much.

 

 

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Or you can buy stock in Charmin or Cottonelle

 

 

Hmmm.

 

Being the proud owner of what is known in the trade as a semi colon I take exception to all you internet tough guys.

 

My poor sphincter has been x-rayed, CAT scanned, gamma rayed and fluoroscoped. It’s been the recipient of go lightly, phospho soda, fleet enemas and barium enemas and some intravenus glow stuff that sets your sack on fire. I’ve had more fingers up there than I care to remember, long ones, short ones, fat ones, and skinny ones, male and female alike, never satisfied with just their fingers they strive to have the knuckles enveloped as well. They’ve mauled me with long tubes and short tubes, water hoses, air hoses and suction hoses to vacuum out the sludge. It has more scar tissue than Chuck Wepner’s brow. It’s been photographed and ultra sounded and in the end sliced and diced.

 

If there is anyone here who takes exception to the fact that I always carry the finest TP money can buy in my rig, and usually have one in my tool bag for the job site, I will be in Bums next friday and we can discuss. :beatin: . :bonk: Nothing but the best will do for my sorry arse.

 

Have a nice day

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Shaky

 

Great stuff

 

I just lost a very good friend to colon cancer. :(

 

I hope you remain cancer free for years and others get the check ups.

 

 

ps...your shark on top of the VW has made its rounds around the shark community... :laugh:

 

 

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Shaky

Great stuff

I just lost a very good friend to colon cancer. :(

I hope you remain cancer free for years and others get the check ups.

ps...your shark on top of the VW has made its rounds around the shark community... :laugh:

 

:) You're only young once.

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Had mine done yesterday. Free and clear for the next 10 years. :th:

 

It's a walk in the park, folks. No need for anyone to not get scoped. If they use propofol to knock you out, you won't even know it happened.

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Had mine done yesterday. Free and clear for the next 10 years. :th:

It's a walk in the park, folks. No need for anyone to not get scoped. If they use propofol to knock you out, you won't even know it happened.

 

Yep. One minute you're talking to someone and the next your under a warm blanket with a greasy ass.

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Shaky: After it was determined I had polyps gone wild I had no less than a half a dozen different doctors and students giving me the finger. You almost get used to it but then they try shoving their knuckles up there too. The radiologist said he was trying to feel over the top of the growth, but I think if they had longer fingers they'd still try getting the knuckles up there.

 

Do the polyps protrude into the colon's interior space?

 

If so, will some or all polyps make an indentation in the stool that remains visible after the stool passes through the anus?

 

Or if there are indentations, are they smoothed over and filled in as the stool is extruded through the anus?

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My niece (brother's only daughter) died of collorectal cancer last August. She ws diagnosed on June 1st and died 66 days later at the age of 37.

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Shaky - it is amazing how you have the talent to employ humor to get a very serious message across quite effectively.

 

Great job, bud. :th::)

 

Had mine done about a year ago last month, and am good to go for another 10 years. And it was no big deal.................DO IT!

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I lost one of my best friends to colon cancer last year. Dave was a young 56 years old. Dave had lost his wife Pamela two years ago scumming to leukemia. I finally had my butt checked this year, had put it off due to a work trip. The probing, no problem as I was out like a light. The 18 hours prior to the procedure sucked. The crap you have to drink is disgusting. But really, there isn't any other option.

Cabo

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Shaky: After it was determined I had polyps gone wild I had no less than a half a dozen different doctors and students giving me the finger. You almost get used to it but then they try shoving their knuckles up there too. The radiologist said he was trying to feel over the top of the growth, but I think if they had longer fingers they'd still try getting the knuckles up there.

Do the polyps protrude into the colon's interior space?

If so, will some or all polyps make an indentation in the stool that remains visible after the stool passes through the anus?

Or if there are indentations, are they smoothed over and filled in as the stool is extruded through the anus?

 

Get scoped. It's a lot easier than inspecting your ****. And much more accurate for diagnosis. :D

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Do the polyps protrude into the colon's interior space?

If so, will some or all polyps make an indentation in the stool that remains visible after the stool passes through the anus?

Or if there are indentations, are they smoothed over and filled in as the stool is extruded through the anus?

Get scoped. It's a lot easier than inspecting your ****. And much more accurate for diagnosis. :D

 

I've been scoped and will be scoped again this year.

 

I have the inspection done every five years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Shaky: After it was determined I had polyps gone wild I had no less than a half a dozen different doctors and students giving me the finger. You almost get used to it but then they try shoving their knuckles up there too. The radiologist said he was trying to feel over the top of the growth, but I think if they had longer fingers they'd still try getting the knuckles up there. polyps gone wild was just my way of saying full blown cancer. The tumor was just a couple of inches above the anal verge. I believe they try to determine if the tumor is mobile or not. By the time i had my exam it had already been growing for four or five years and had grown two thirds of the way around and completely through the wall of the colon, definitely not mobile.

Do the polyps protrude into the colon's interior space? Yes, but there are different kinds

Shape

 

In terms of shape, colon polyps come in two basic varieties: pedunculated and sessile. Pedunculated polyps are mushroom-like tissue growths that are attached to the surface of the mucous membrane by a long, thin stalk, or peduncle. Sessile polyps sit right on the surface of the mucous membrane. They do not have a stalk. Sessile polyps are flat.

 

Polyp Types

 

The four most common types of colon polyps are inflammatory, adenomatous (adenoma), hyperplastic, and villous (tubulovillous) adenoma. In addition to these, two less common polyp types include lymphoid, which are considered rare and benign (non-cancerous), and juvenile. Juvenile refers to the type of polyp, not the age at which polyps first develop.

If so, will some or all polyps make an indentation in the stool that remains visible after the stool passes through the anus? Maybe if they were right at the opening, like a cookie press. :wee::laugh: Never noticed anything but blood over the years, at first very infrequently and the final year daily to quote Homer

"not every **** they take is a Michaelangelo."
Towards the end mine looked more like elephant art using only red and brown with a little black mixed in, the kind where the elephant takes a brush and flings paint against the canvas

Or if there are indentations, are they smoothed over and filled in as the stool is extruded through the anus?Towards the end mine were no longer formed, just a bunch of little squitters and what looked to me like pieces of intestine that had been sloughed off, don't really know how to describe it. For a person who took great pride in his turds, you would think i would have gone to the rotor long before i did.

 

 

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Shaky, as you know, My Dad is a Colon Cancer survivor now for 8 years. He waited until his late 60's before going and getting a Colonoscopy. He's very lucky to be alive.

 

Me? I've had 3 in the last 3 years. There are other things that can be wrong with you beside Colon Cancer. Ulcerative Colitis, Crohn's Disease, etc...All can be diagnosed with a Colonoscopy.

 

Getting Crohn's Disease at 49 sucked wet, dead, Donkey dick. It's totally screwed up my life. I won't go into it because I don't want to hijack Shaky's thread.

 

Getting a Colonoscopy is no big deal and nothing to be scared of. The prep the night before is the worse part of the whole procedure. Once it's time, they wheel you in, and put you out. You wake up 20 minutes later and I'm still wondering why there was 20 bucks in my fist when I woke up. ;)

 

I'm not fooling around. Get your colonoscopy done if you are either 50 or you have symptoms. Black stools, bloody stools, Intestinal pain, etc...Thinking it won't happen to you is effing stupid.

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Do the polyps protrude into the colon's interior space? Yes, but there are different kinds

Shape

In terms of shape, colon polyps come in two basic varieties: pedunculated and sessile. Pedunculated polyps are mushroom-like tissue growths that are attached to the surface of the mucous membrane by a long, thin stalk, or peduncle. Sessile polyps sit right on the surface of the mucous membrane. They do not have a stalk. Sessile polyps are flat.

Polyp Types

The four most common types of colon polyps are inflammatory, adenomatous (adenoma), hyperplastic, and villous (tubulovillous) adenoma. In addition to these, two less common polyp types include lymphoid, which are considered rare and benign (non-cancerous), and juvenile. Juvenile refers to the type of polyp, not the age at which polyps first develop.

If so, will some or all polyps make an indentation in the stool that remains visible after the stool passes through the anus? Maybe if they were right at the opening, like a cookie press. :wee::laugh: Never noticed anything but blood over the years, at first very infrequently and the final year daily to quote Homer

"not every **** they take is a Michaelangelo."
Towards the end mine looked more like elephant art using only red and brown with a little black mixed in, the kind where the elephant takes a brush and flings paint against the canvas

Or if there are indentations, are they smoothed over and filled in as the stool is extruded through the anus?

Towards the end mine were no longer formed, just a bunch of little squitters and what looked to me like pieces of intestine that had been sloughed off, don't really know how to describe it. For a person who took great pride in his turds, you would think i would have gone to the rotor long before i did.

 

Shaky: :th: How glad I am that you you are cancer free. :th:

 

The week I turned fifty a friend of mine died of colon cancer.

 

She was squeamish about being "snaked" so she never had her colon checked.

 

With her in mind I asked about polyp-indented stools because I was curious if they could serve as a warning and encourage others to get their "tailpipe" scoped.

 

 

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