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Whale Chili-a funny

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Whale Chili

In 1989, Sheldon P. Wimpfen, of Luray, Virginia, wrote that he had been a chili cook for fifty-five of his seventy-five years and that fact makes him an expert on the subject. He lambasted us for our "mistaken tales" about the origin of chili con carne. He enclosed as his evidence the first recipe ever used for chili con carne, dating from approximately 15,000 B.C. The ancient recipe which follows was invented by the Alaxsxaq Indians of the Valley of Ten Thousand Smokes on the Bering Land Bridge. He apologized in advance for any insult to whale lovers and wrote, "that's just the way they cook up there."

  • 3 tons red chile pods

  • 1 medium (50-foot) blue whale, cubed to fingertip size using razor-sharp ulus (a native knife)

  • 60 oogruk (seals), cubed to fingertip size using razor-sharp ulus

  • 30 tons onions, chopped fine using razor-sharp ulus

  • 1 ton garlic, minced using razorsharp ulus

  • 100 pounds sea salt

  • 600 pounds oregano

  • 400 pounds cumin

Dig a bowl in the ice 40 feet long, 20 feet wide, and 10 feet deep. Place all ingredients in the ice bowl and mix well with dull ulus. Add water and fumarole-heated stones until the ice bowl is bubbling. Reduce heat and simmer for 2 weeks. Ladle leftovers into 5-gallon leather buckets and freeze in a glacier.

Yield: Enough to feed an entire tribe for a year



Kidding aside here is a page with several good chili recipes:

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