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last goodbye (cancer) for a friend - Advice

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One of my friends has been battling cancer for the past 2yrs and finally got the dreaded 2 weeks to 3 months to live.

 

He is not taking calls or visits as this has been overwhelming to him and his young family.

 

I have been debating in my head whether to write him a letter. One side of me says he would appreciate it and the other side of me says that when you write that letter, you basically are telling him you won't see him again.

 

I don't really want to upset him and I cannot talk to his wife as she is not handling the news well.

 

Any advice on this would be appreciated.

 

damn cancer sucks.. :(

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Write the letter. I think he will appreciate it.

 

As time passes, and he accepts what is in store, maybe he will start taking visitors.

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sorry man thats brutal

 

what about setting up a video log for him to show his kids when they are a bit more grown up. sort of field some of the questions i am sure they will have and see and hear from their dad how much he loves them. just a stray thought

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Last October I went to visit my Grandma, I knew it was good-bye and I think she did too. A week after I came home she passed. I am happy I went to see her.

 

Christmas Eve I found out my stepdad has been given the couple months message.

 

I know I must go see him, I also know it will be good-bye.

 

I know your pain - be true to yourself and do what you need to so as not to regret your decision later.

 

God Bless.

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Some thoughts as a survivor. Everybody deals with this in their own way. Right after my surgery and in the middle of my posy op chemo, a childhood friend was diagnosed with esophageal cancer that had metastasized in his liver. No hope. He did the same thing. No calls, no visitors. I don't know how i would take the news. To some I'm sure it's like a great burden has been lifted and to others I'm sure just the opposite.

 

For the most part I joked my way through everything. It's just my nature. I find it easier than crying. Some people like attention, like to be fussed over. I'm not one of them. My brother is just the opposite. He had non hodgkins lymphoma.

 

Write the letter. Even without the death sentence calls can be a pain in the ass. You have to repeat stuff over and over and over to people. Most ask the same question. How do you feel. They're afraid to say things or are not sure what to say at all. The focus is on your illness. geez people what the heck do you talk about when the other person is not sick? It's a big eye opener and it's helped me deal with people a lot better.

 

My cousin was fighting breast cancer. It has now metastasized in her bones. She's still going to school part time and interning as a paralegal. It's a bit much for her sometimes as she gets tired easily, but she won't sit around. if I hadn't got sick myself i probably would have a very hard time talking to her. It's easier now even though this is a death sentence for her. I don't call often, but if too much time elapses without an update I just leave a voice message and she'll get back to me when she's ready.

 

I used to joke about having a mock funeral. My family members asked why. I said, I just want to know who would show up, who would laugh, who would cry and maybe who would spit on my grave. Write the letter. As to what to say, speak from the heart.

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I used to joke about having a mock funeral. My family members asked why. I said, I just want to know who would show up, who would laugh, who would cry and maybe who would spit on my grave. Write the letter. As to what to say, speak from the heart.

 

Since I don't get out to the peninsula much anymore, please consider our shared yucks at the food fling as my mock funeral attendance ;)

 

Hugs

 

:v:

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On March 8 of 2011 my best friend, and hunting buddy of over 35 years died of cancer. I visited him often, and spoke with him daily on the phone for over 2.5 years. In the end, I was at his bedside only hours before he passed.

It was horrible. You can't ignore the fact he was....dying. But, my discomfort wasn't even a fraction of what he was going through. I was glad I did as much as I could for him in the little time he had remaining. I'm sure you'll do the same.

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Since I don't get out to the peninsula much anymore, please consider our shared yucks at the food fling as my mock funeral attendance ;)

Hugs

:v:

 

you making an appearance this year?

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thanks

 

I will write the letter.

 

just an FYI... He called to go tuna fishing with me in October. As usual, thing were hetic, work, kids sports (coaching football), etc.. and I told him I could not go....

 

Hindsight is 20/20...I should have gone, Life lesson is learned.

 

 

 

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