Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
freshy

Mixed Emotions

Rate this topic

16 posts in this topic

My Nana is doing terribly bad right now. Hate to say it, but it's just a matter of weeks now, and after seeing her today, maybe even days. She's got a laundry list of things going on with her right now. The Dr's can't treat one thing without effecting the others, so she's home, with her pain meds and my Aunt and Uncle caring for her.

 

I am pretty close with Nana, so it hurts to think about, especially after seeing her today. I wasn't warned about how she was so I nearly burst into tears when I seen her, but had to stay strong for her. frown.gif

 

I'm now seeing a lot of family that I normally wouldn't have if Nana wasn't sick. This includes my brother. He doesn't live to far away, but far enough to not come around often. He came down today for the visit to Nana's. He brought me a 360 game console he had for me, so after the visit we went to pick up some games for it. Maybe it's because he's sad, and knows I'm sad, that he wanted to bring a bit of joy to me. We came back here, and hung out, talking about Nana, and playing games. I really enjoy spending this time with him, but on the other hand, I feel a bit guilty, for enjoying his company in a time like this. I wish it were for fun that he was around, but I also want to enjoy every minute I have with him.

 

I'm just really sad about Nana, but happy I get to see my brother. I don't like these mixed emotions. *sigh* Sorry...just venting a bit. frown.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Totally understandable... the last 3 months before my grandmother passed away from multiple myeloma were brutal. She required a back surgery to try and alleviate her back pain from stress fractures and other issues. Once her immune system was weakened from that surgery, the cancer went nuts.

 

She's a real spitfire (I say still because I'm certain she's my guardian angel) and for someone who's fiery and doesn't like being cooped up, not able to do much, it was horrible for her. Don't even mention some of the conversations I had when I visited her in the nursing home... she knew what was going on and wanted to be home... even if it meant I would be an accomplice in her escape, before she she could be safe at home. When she finally got home, it was less than a week and a half. Rough stuff, for sure...

 

You're probably going to experience the full range of emotions, including some you might not think were possible. It's totally natural and understandable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

People react to, and cope with, death in many ways.

 

My dad died suddenly, from a massive heart attack, at age 59. Thanksgiving weekend. I had made arrangements to attend a party at my firend's house that night. I was out Christmas shopping when it happened. Found out when I got home. I called the funeral home and got an appoinment to meet with them the next day. Called my uncle, his brother, to break the news to him. He broke down over the phone. I finished the conversation with my aunt. She handled notification of his nieces and cousins on that side. My mom's side of the family lived close by and they already knew by the time I got back from shopping. Then I took my mom to the church to make the funeral arrangements with the pastor. When we got back, the house was full of my mom's brothers and sisters and their spouses. As well as my sister. They told me--go to your party, we'll be fine. Get your mind off this--there's nothing you can do now for him, or us. I was still numb over it---in shock, I guess. No emotions. So I went to the party and tried my best not to be a wet blanket. My friends were great. They got me laughing. I needed to be around them. Some people would say, how can you go out and have fun when your dad is lying in a box at the funeral home waiting to be embalmed? But it was exactly what I needed to do.

 

Everything broke loose when I walked through the door of the funeral home on the first afternoon of the wake, and saw him in the casket. I broke down. I held it all in until then. And after that--it was over. I was able to mourn and laugh at the same time.

 

There is no "right" way to act in these times. You have to let your emotions be what they will be. It's different for all of us. Enjoy your time with your brother without any guilt.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can relate in many ways.And I always have mixed emotions and it drains me..Its my Mom and even though we have a Live In for her I am stuck doing all the other things that need to be done for her.My Brother is to busy and my other sister cant be bothered and my other sister lives 6 hours away.So its me thats always there with no help at all.Guilt is my middle name its also the gift that keeps on giving.Just enjoy your time with your brother with out any guilt I know easier said than done.There are days I am angry at my Mother because she cant take care of her self ,Then there are days I leave her and cry because she is not the Mom I remember..Then there are days that I pray to God to just take her.It just goes on and on..I am trying to keep her in her own home and I dont want to put her into a Nursing Home.

Its just a tough situation all around and to see a loved one sick is heart breaking ok I just vented also..

I will say some prayers for you and your Nana..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow she was a tough one.

 

Sadly, Nana is VERY dependent on others and has been for years. They think that may be part of the reason things just got so bad for her. She didn't want to help herself. Last time I seen her, was in May, and she needed a cane to help her walk, but she was doing good with it.

 

Just in the last 2 weeks she has gotten real bad. Even last weekend, she was in the hospital. She could talk normal, needed help getting out of bed, but could walk with a walker. Let's see. On July 4th, I heard what she was suffering from.

 

Diabetes. Has been for years. Sever Liver Disease (which they believe is what is killing her) blood clots in her lung, Bacterial Infection, a sore in her mouth (which can't be drained because she's on blood thinners for her clots) and recently found out she now has cancer.

 

I wanted to visit in the hospital, but I too was sick, and didn't want to make matters worse for her, or myself. She's home now, so I went to visit her. I couldn't believe what I seen. She was Yellow. All over. She had no idea who anyone was, well some, but the meds were effecting her pretty bad. She couldn't talk, or hardly move her hands. She looked horrible. I can't get the look out of my head. Everyone was talking to her like she was a small child. Can't even imagine. 70 yr old woman, that can't do anything except sit and wait to die. It's breaking my heart. I don't WANT it to happen, but I can't imagine she going throu this, this way. She hurts. After she enjoyed her Popsicle, her mouth sore started bleeding. Everyone was standing around, watching, I had to leave the room. I couldn't see that.

 

This is making me sad, but I know I have to get it out. I have a huge family, and it's great that so many people are visiting her now, making her feel loved. They gave her some meds so we all said goodnight so she could sleep. I leaned over and said goodnight Nana, she repeated the best she good "goodnight sweetheart". I love her so much. heart.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks you guys for listening and sharing your stories. It feels good to get it out and talk about it.

 

I know at some times my family used to get mad at her for being so dependent, but there isn't one thing they wouldn't do right now for her.

 

My Mother is the oldest of the 9 kids and she's not taking it so well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Consider it Nana's last lesson.... enjoy what time you have with those you love, no matter what circumstances those times come in.wink.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Let them know how you feel. This is the time you should all be close and support each other and I doubt anyone would be offended; more likely they will be touched by your show of emotions.

 

I tend to think of a persons passing as their progression to the next level. Where they are no longer restricted by the limitations of their body and the pains that are associated with the physical being.

 

Thoughts and prayers sent for you and your family.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
View PostConsider it Nana's last lesson.... enjoy what time you have with those you love, no matter what circumstances those times come in.wink.gif

 

Really.You don't have to feel guilty for loving,or enjoying your family,and like Tammy said,maybe that's what Nana was trying to show you.

My last(of two)grandma died in early June.We had been waiting for years.She couldn;t ID any of us for over 10 yrs.She'd been in a nursing home since she lost it,and the few people who visited regularly,were rewarded with pain.At times she was less than friendly,and certainly not "our Gram".

However,at the funeral,I was reaquainted with family I hadn't seen in 10 years,and in a couple cases,twenty.Love 'em while you've got 'em,kid.heart.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hang in there kiddo. It's a hard thing to go through, my dad passed 2 yrs ago today from a similar thing. His was colon cancer that moved to his liver and turned his complexion to that of an egg yolk. Take solice in the company of all of your family, that's what family is for. God Bless and keep you through these difficult times.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thats why its called "family". Life goes on despite what happens, be tahnkful you have others to share both the good and bad things with. Prayers and thoughts for Nana.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Grandma left us in 2001 after a 3 year long fight with alzheimers. She was reduced to less than a shell of a person and when the time came, we were more relieved than sad since we really lost her a year prior when she became incoherent. She finally succumbed to malnourishment and dehydration and the last month was torture for grandpa; having to bring her to the hospital almost weekly for IV just keep her going.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all for the well wishes. I was standing in line at the Dr's office to check in yesterday, and I received the call that Nana had passed away. frown.gif

 

She wasn't eating and they just kept uping her pain meds. My Uncle had asked the nurse what we could do for her, and she said that we could call an ambulance and she would just be brought to the hospital and be right back where we didn't want her. Suffering and being kept alive. Uping the dose of the pain meds just made it more comfortable for her and she left us.

 

It's a sad time, but it was her time.

 

I didn't go to work yesterday, and spent the day with my Mother, and today, she went to get all the details of the wake and funeral taken care of, and I just sat at home alone. My emotions are everywhere. I don't want to clean, I kept wanting to go out, but changing my mind. *sigh* The next 2 days will be rough, but I am lucky to have such a large caring family. heart.gif

 

RIP Nana! July 30th 1940 ~ July 13th 2010

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First, my prayers for you and your family. I lost my grand mother two weeks ago. I also lost my best friend my grand father 2 years ago. It's a hard situation to get through.

 

I can offer you a bit of Advice: tell your brother how much you enjoyed spending time with him and that you want to see him more. Bringing family together is something that grandparents do in life and death and for a long time after.

 

The other thing I can tell you is she will always be with you in your heart, mind and spirit. When you hit a crossroads in life don't hesitate to ask for guidance.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to register here in order to participate.

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.