Brian

TLDig's Cabal-Cabal of the Repubic of Stoopid

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While pontificating last night, I decided I'm not going to seperate Church and State, but instead form my own Republic of Brian here in the tavern. My first rulings will be based on business law and I have a two part plan to bring down high oil prices.

1. Public Executions
There will be a minimum of one public execution of a randomly selected futures trader on Wall Street once a day. This may or may not be an oil futures trader. If prices continue to increase, the executions will continue. If prices fall moderately, then we will substitute executions with public woundings. If prices collapse dramatically, then public woundings will be replaced with gifts from Emperor Brian.

The public executions will be by rats in a burlap sack, although Chancellor Brian is not tied to that and is open to suggestions.

2. Tacks on Excess Oil Company Profits
For every dollar profit for oil companies, one tack will be added to a large gymnasium floor. If Supreme Ruler Brian determines that there are too many tacks on the floor, then oil company executives will be forced to pick up every tack; however, they will pick up the tacks in the way prescribed by President Brian- they will be forced to roll naked on the floor so that they know what death by a thousand pinpricks is like.

That is all today, fellow Citizens.

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View PostWho's in charge if somebody whacks ya?

 

 

Since awesomeness can not be granted, we will have a battle royal at Golden Cow Municipal Stadium.

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With a sharp fillet knife and some braid, you could probably fashion something decent from the 3 stooges.

 

Maybe a Fish'nDopeFace.

 

That would be awesome.

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I have no idea what you just said and you are wasting my time. Please forward all future thread replies to Homerisadope for his approval prior to posting.

 

Thank you for your cooperation in this regard.

 

Respectfully,

Supreme Ruler Brian

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3. Public Masturbation

In an effort to combat rates of prostate cancer, public masturbation is now okay; however, laws against spitting on the sidewalk will still be strictly enforced.

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