Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Billybob

A dad dilemma

Rate this topic

31 posts in this topic

Different ages bring different issues guys, it never gets easy I guess.

 

So, my best fishing buddy has a son who is friends with my son.

His kid is going through a bumpy stretch here, and we been talking like buddies do.He's real concerned and not certain how to deal with it.

 

So, of course, I tell the hen and she gets in mom mode and we end up talking to my son about it. It was pretty constructive because you have to air these things.

 

Here's the dilemma:

I found out some stuff that my bud doesn't know, and it's not good.Do I shut my trap and just watch how it plays out, or have a sit down with him and tell him what I know?

 

headscratch.gifheadscratch.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it depends. Could he possibly harm himself or other? If yes, tell your buddy. Is he just hanging out with the "wrong crowd"? If yes, I dont know if there is much you can do about that anyways as kids will hang out with who they want. I think you should post what he is doing that is bad and we would be able to provide better info.

 

Also, if its drugs (other than weed), that is a tough decision. Many, Many parents will deny their kids are doing it and of course the kid/son will deny it as well and it will probably come back to you and your son as the source and might lead to problems in school for your son.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

would you want to know?

 

sticky question. i guess you have to weigh scenarios and ultimately follow conscience. sometimes its not your story to tell, others you would be wrong not to. tough call

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is it something that potentially puts him or others in danger? Is it something that if things were to get worse and your friend found out later that you knew about it and didn't tell him he'd feel you let him down?

 

I'm so far removed from any sort of situation like this, and have zero relevant experience, but I think those are the sorts of questions I'd be asking myself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If there is a possibility of serious harm to anybody involved or if its some sort of crime against another party I say you tell you buddy straight out. IMHO If your buddy can't respect your situation and understand why you are telling him then he's not much of freind.

 

If its just kids being kids, I would say sit back and watch.

 

Good luck. I don't envy your situation.

 

Alan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If it's drug- or booze-related, you might want to think about hitting an Al-Anon meeting, and dropping your dilemma there. Those folks have been, or are, living through similar situations, and can provide some helpful advice.

 

It's a tough call, 'cause a lot depends on whether your friend has more invested in knowing the truth, or denying it, in terms of how his ego would be affected. Good luck, in any case...not an easy thing to resolve.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I got no kids, but similar should I say or should I stay mum scenarios apply to anybody with friends. Believe it or not I gotz friends. I think ooter hit the nail on the head. If you was him, would you want to know?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How well do you know your buddy? Does he get angry and do stupid things? (hitting people etc)

 

I'd say depends on what it is. Like most mention, if the situation involves life and death, jail time, hurting someone physically, then I would tell him. If it's something that he can deal with himself (personal matters), then pretend you don't know.

 

You have to remember one thing, IF your buddy find out himself by accident, and he gets more upset about it and hurt someone, then it's not good.

 

I hope it will play out good.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If the situation were reversed, would you want your friend to let you know your son is in trouble?

Tough call without all the details, but I would hate to hear a friend say "Why didn't you tell me? I could have saved my boy".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the responses guys, I guess I'll think on it.

It's not my buddy, we don't have ego's when we discuss the kids - it's wide open.

 

If you open up the box, and the kid finds out that my kid told me, then the kid won't trust my kid, and my kid won't trust me - not good all around.

We could get around that - but once you get a hen involved..........

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A couple of other guys have already said it, what would you want him to do if it were your son?

 

View Post but I would hate to hear a friend say "Why didn't you tell me? I could have saved my boy".

 

That would be a hell of a thing to hear. If it is something serious, you gotta think about what's best for the kid....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kids need to know when to speak, and when not. I saw the older son and wife of a guy I coach little league with the other day. I was getting a 6 pack to go with dinner. The wife didn't see me, but me and the son waved at each other. Last night my middle guy tells me that so and so saw you in the mall parking lot the other day. Wife's eyebrows raise. cwm13.gif No son, it was Sunday, and they saw me at the liquor store when I was getting beer to go with the ribs for dinner. And I'm thinking to myself, the other older kid needs to learn to keep his mouth shut.

 

Anyway...Billybob, have you considered having your son talk to his friend to try and get him to fess up to his old man? That would be the first step.

 

Second option, sit down with both kids and reach out to the troubled youth.

 

Final option is to talk to your bud, but that's really dependent on how bad of an issue we are talking about here. I'm thinking if the kid is doing something very harmful the father is going to want to know, and chances are, if its that bad, the kid needs help. If its bad enough that you are considering telling his old man, his relationship with your son shouldn't be part of the equation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to register here in order to participate.

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.