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Real Change is taking place

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(Bloomburg) Tubbsville, Arkansas -- In a bold move that signaled he is serious about real change, President-elect Barack Obama today announced that Howard "Howie" Fitch, a lifelong resident of this small town, will serve as Secretary of State in the Obama Administration.


"Obama promised real change, and there is no question this delivers on that promise," said Obama spokesman Robert Gibbs. "Mr. Fitch will bring a fresh perspective and new ideas to this important post."


Speaking to the press from the front porch of his small home on a tree-lined lane in this quiet crossroads town, Mr. Fitch said he was surprised by the nomination, but he was confident that he was up to the challenge.


"No doubt about it, this came as a big surprise," said Mr. Fitch. "I was just sitting down to watch a Knight Rider rerun when the call came in. At first I thought it was some kind of joke by my buddies who knew I voted for Obama even though I'm a Republican, but when Mr. Obama came on the line himself, I knew it was for real. I darn near spilled my Coors."


Asked about his experience and qualifications, Mr. Fitch said he was a long-time subscriber to National Geographic and he had taken two semesters of Spanish in high school. Perhaps more importantly, he is a mechanic in an automotive shop that specializes in foreign cars, and he has had extensive correspondence with potential brides from the Philippines and several former republics of the Soviet Union, which gave him insight into the locations and economic conditions of these countries. He is also a strong supporter of Israel, believing it's establishment is a sign of the end times.


"I've always been able to step up and handle new challenges," said Mr. Fitch. "One time my boss got sick and had to go home, and I had to close the shop all by myself. It took ingenuity and initiative, but I was able to get 'er done."


Leading Democrats expressed skepticism about the appointment, but Mr. Obama chided them that he had promised to reach across the aisle and bring real change, and if anything was going to bring real change, this is it.


For their part, stunned GOP leaders hailed the appointment as a bold bipartisan move.


"Wow, we didn't believe Obama would deliver on his promise of bipartisanship and real change, but it's clear that he really means it," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "We welcome the appointment of Mr. Fitch. He is obviously a highly qualified individual. He is a lot like the other leading lights of our party, Joe the Plumber and Sarah the Governor."


Praise for the decision was even more effusive from the Republican rank and file. Stopped on the street in Richmond, Virginia, a man who identified himself only as freakingRT had this to say: "Wow, I was a big doubter of Obama's promises of change, but this really convinced me. We really need highly qualified people like Howie the Mechanic in positions of leadership. I hear he likes to hunt and fish and watch Nascar races. That tells me everything I need to know about the guy. Our foreign policy will be in good hands with Howie."


Mr. Fitch is expected to be sworn in following a confirmation hearing in January.

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