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Arby

I get joke emails from buddies...

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and this one is too funny not to share....

 

 

Recently I was at WalMart buying a couple large bags of Purina for my dog,

 

Waiting in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again; I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, as the food is nutritionally complete. So, I was going to try it again.

 

Then I explained that I probably shouldn't do it, because I ended up in the hospital last time. But, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

 

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, especially a tall heavy man behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I was sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

 

(The tall guy nearly had to stagger out of the store, oxygen depleted from laughing. I never cracked a smile.)

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Two bums are walking down an alley.

As they are walking they see a dog, bent and licking himself.

The one bum says " I wish I could do that."

The other replied "You better pet him first." biggrin.gif

 

One of my all time fav's.

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Two bums are walking down an alley.

As they are walking they see a dog, bent and licking himself.

The one bum says " I wish I could do that."

The other replied "You better pet him first." biggrin.gif

 

One of my all time fav's.

 

 

Chief - like that one too! cwm27.gif

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Adam and Eve are standing in the garden of Eden on a beautiful beach. Eve says to Adam "Adam would you please lick on me, you know, down there". Adam says 'Gosh no, I can't do that". Eve persists so long that Adam finally gets to the point where he says "Ok, On one condition". Eve, now excitedly replies, "Whats that Adam?". Adam says "First you must go out into the water and wash it off." Eve quickly wades out into the water and begins to wash. All of a sudden out of the sky comes a great booming voice "ADAM, ADAM." Adam replies "Yes God, Yes God, what do you want?" The voice replies "HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU TO KEEP HER OUT OF THE WATER, NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OUT OF THE FISH!".

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