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TLDig's Cabal-Cabal of the Repubic of Stoopid

post #1 of 37203
Thread Starter 

While pontificating last night, I decided I'm not going to seperate Church and State, but instead form my own Republic of Brian here in the tavern. My first rulings will be based on business law and I have a two part plan to bring down high oil prices.

1. Public Executions
There will be a minimum of one public execution of a randomly selected futures trader on Wall Street once a day. This may or may not be an oil futures trader. If prices continue to increase, the executions will continue. If prices fall moderately, then we will substitute executions with public woundings. If prices collapse dramatically, then public woundings will be replaced with gifts from Emperor Brian.

The public executions will be by rats in a burlap sack, although Chancellor Brian is not tied to that and is open to suggestions.

2. Tacks on Excess Oil Company Profits
For every dollar profit for oil companies, one tack will be added to a large gymnasium floor. If Supreme Ruler Brian determines that there are too many tacks on the floor, then oil company executives will be forced to pick up every tack; however, they will pick up the tacks in the way prescribed by President Brian- they will be forced to roll naked on the floor so that they know what death by a thousand pinpricks is like.

That is all today, fellow Citizens.

post #2 of 37203
So far I like what I hear.
post #3 of 37203
Who's in charge if somebody whacks ya?
post #4 of 37203
I think Patrick and his fork should be employed
post #5 of 37203
No sex for Brian last night.
post #6 of 37203
Thread Starter 
My proletarian guard would not let Patrick within 10 feet of me.
post #7 of 37203
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billybob View Post
Who's in charge if somebody whacks ya?


Since awesomeness can not be granted, we will have a battle royal at Golden Cow Municipal Stadium.
post #8 of 37203
pitbulls: in or out?
post #9 of 37203
Thread Starter 
Out.
post #10 of 37203
With a sharp fillet knife and some braid, you could probably fashion something decent from the 3 stooges.

Maybe a Fish'nDopeFace.

That would be awesome.
post #11 of 37203
Thread Starter 
I have no idea what you just said and you are wasting my time. Please forward all future thread replies to Homerisadope for his approval prior to posting.

Thank you for your cooperation in this regard.

Respectfully,
Supreme Ruler Brian
post #12 of 37203
can I be in charge of the wimmen ?
post #13 of 37203
In order to be more like our Glorious leader, I will NOT step into the sun without an SPF 250 sunscreen....

and I will huff glue till I shave a few dozen IQ points.
post #14 of 37203
Where's Brodskan? It's time to get sneaky.
post #15 of 37203
Thread Starter 
3. Public Masturbation
In an effort to combat rates of prostate cancer, public masturbation is now okay; however, laws against spitting on the sidewalk will still be strictly enforced.
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