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A True Southerner


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#1 Walkin' Jack

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Posted May 10 2002 - 2:11 PM

None of these is more correct than the one about how we behave standing in line. I was in a monster traffic jam about 10 years ago and was stuck on the bridge that connects Galveston Island with the mainland. Stuck for over 2 hours while the authorities dealt with a massive pile up and resulting fire involving numerous vehicles. During that time I met several nice folks and I'm still friends with and fish with 2 of them.
Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them but "PITCH" them. Only a true
Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess". Only a true Southerner can show or
point out to you the general direction
of "yonder." Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -
as in: "Going to town, be back directly." Even true Southern babies know
that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for
the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on
the middle of the table. All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by"
is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. Only a
true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace
for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big
bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis,
they also know to add a large banana puddin'!) Only true Southerners grow
up knowing the difference between "right near"
and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1
mile or 20. Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the
difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. No true
Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
signal is actually going to make a turn. A true Southerner knows that
"fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. Only a true
Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of
the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger", or something that jumps
out at you in the dark and scares you senseless. Only true Southerners make
friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines"; and
when we're "in line", we talk to everybody! Put 100 true Southerners in a
room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage. True Southerners know grits come from
corn and how to eat them. Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs,
bacon, grits, and coffee
are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. When you hear someone
say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' . . . ," you know
you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! Only true Southerners say
"sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates
the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unweetened.
"Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. And a true Southerner knows
you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart"
and go your own way.


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I have gone out to search for myself. If I should return before I get back please keep me here.

#2 KLE

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Posted May 10 2002 - 2:14 PM

WJ, what are the last words out of a redneck's mouth, just before he dies while performing a stupid stunt?
KLE


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#3 KLE

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Posted May 10 2002 - 2:15 PM

Hey, watch this!
KLE


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#4 JPL

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Posted May 10 2002 - 2:15 PM

Thanks W.Jack!! I've been homesick since the Derby.
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#5 JPL

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Posted May 10 2002 - 2:26 PM

W.Jack: btw, these yankees say "standing on line", not the proper that way we say it: "standing in line".
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#6 Jig Man

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Posted May 10 2002 - 2:34 PM


Quote:







Originally posted by KLE:
Hey, watch this!
KLE




Almost, its actually "Hey ya'all, watch this!"
Jigman


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#7 KLE

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Posted May 10 2002 - 2:36 PM

Damn, I was so close!!!!!
KLE


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#8 JPL

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Posted May 10 2002 - 3:27 PM


Quote:







Originally posted by Jig Man:
Almost, its actually "Hey ya'all, watch this!" Jigman




Man it's nice to have a fellow Kentuckian on the board. Jig Man: are you a Kentucky Colonel?? How's God's country?
J.P.

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#9 Jig Man

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Posted May 12 2002 - 7:47 AM

Not a colonel. Right now we are rather wet. Has rained most days in the last month or so. Lakes and rivers are waaaay up. Making a mess of our striper fishing right now. Should be a real good night bite and a chance for something big, but it just is not happening. Other than that, things are just fine.
Jigman


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